Love Stories

Jeremy and I have had the pleasure of forming wonderful friendships with a handful of couples at our church over the last 9 months.  At a summer BBQ, our conversation with these new friends settled on how spouses met.  After listening to sweet and funny stories of new attraction, Jeremy and I were asked how we met.  Our story seems rather simple and very appropriate for a Christian gathering: we attended the same Bible study.  The most scandalous element is that I thought he was pretty hot, and he thought I was pretty.  We didn’t “hook up”, as they say, until almost 9 months after that first meeting. 

What is a lesser known, though far richer, story is how we broke up. 

To put these events in context, I must back up in the story a bit.  I transferred to Pacific Lutheran University in 2001 lonely, depressed, and feeling like everything I had confidence in was shattered.  My life was not turning out how I had expected in high school, and I was dealing with a myriad of personal issues.  I was attempting a fresh start with my move to Washington without knowing how to let go of all the pain I carried with me.  For two years I wrestled with my past unsuccessfully.  When Jeremy proposed, I thought our engagement would somehow, magically, fix all of my problems.

That’s not what happened. 

Shortly after he proposed, I returned to California to visit my family.  Realizing being engaged did nothing to take away the pain and loss I was feeling, I gave up hoping that I would ever have joy and peace again.  I melted down in a big way!  I hooked up with people I had no business spending time with.  I tried to drink the pain away.  After a couple of weeks of spiraling downward, I stopped wearing my engagement ring and avoided calling Jeremy.  I was ashamed of my behavior.  I didn’t know how I could ever have joy or life again.  Jeremy deserved way better.  About two months after I accepted his proposal, I called the whole thing off.  The wedding.  Our relationship.  Everything.

I looked ahead to a life without purpose, meaning, joy, fulfillment, or hope.

Jeremy looked to something different.  He gathered our friends and family around him, and they prayed.  For a few days, they prayed.  Jeremy also called repeatedly and sent flowers.  I mostly ignored him and wondered why he insisted on being bound to such a mess.  After a couple of days of phone calls and the arrival of a beautiful bouquet, I decided that he, at least, deserved a returned call.  I stayed at home one evening, determined to make him understand that he deserved far better than me, and dialed his number.

Strangely, he didn’t want to hear anything I had to say.  He told me that I needed to stop and listen.  He spoke to me of love - not his love for me, but God’s.  He told me how important I was to God and that God had amazing plans for my life - plans that brought life and not destruction, death, and hopelessness.  I don’t know how long he reminded me of God’s intense and specific love for me, but something amazing happened while he spoke.  Cliché as it sounds, the events of my life flashed before my eyes.  I saw my life, and the people who were in it, in a new light.  I saw so many ways that God had showed me love and that there was a purpose for my existence.  Hope was sparked, and I knew that there was a better way to live.

I think our story is quite romantic.  I gave Jeremy every reason to walk away from me, and he would have been justified.  What he did showed me more love than I had ever experienced in life.  He showed grace, patience, and mercy, and he saved my life.  I smile every time I think of his selfless act.

Still, there is a far greater story interwoven throughout the one I’ve just told.  The only reason Jeremy’s words were effective is that they were grounded in what Jesus did for us.  We, as humanity, were a mess.  We refused the wonderful plans our Heavenly Father had for us.  We turned our backs on Him and decided we knew better about this world and our lives.  We rejected Jesus when He came to us.  Yet, He willingly gave His life on the cross to save us from our sins and bring us lives of health, wisdom, and blessing.  Think His sacrifice somehow doesn’t apply to your sins because His death and resurrection happened so many years ago?  It does!  The Bible says Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever!  (Hebrews 13:8) If Jesus arrived on this earth for the first time today, He would surrender his life as the sacrifice to cover your sins (John 3:16). 

Jesus knew that you would turn away from God’s wonderful plan for your life.  He knew that you wouldn’t want anything to do with Him.  He still loved you so much that He was willing to suffer and die so that you could be free and have life (John 10:10).  Know that He loves you.  Rest in His love for you and allow the Holy Spirit to guide you in walking out the plans He has for you.  You are loved!

Our God Heals!!!

When we decided to have a baby in 2008, Jeremy and I thought it would be a fairly quick and easy process.  We looked at the calendar, counted out nine months to accommodate the school year, and then decided when I would stop taking birth control pills.  The plan worked wonderfully until I stopped taking the pills.

The summer we hoped to conceive came and went without so much as a period.  The same remained true throughout the fall and winter.  After almost nine months of waiting to ovulate, I brought the matter up to my primary care physician.  She referred me to an OB/GYN in the area, and we began a small array of tests.  Almost two months after I first visited my doctor, a diagnosis was revealed: Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS).  I didn’t fit the profile, my OB/GYN told me, but the blood test results were clear.  We discussed treatment options and what the journey to conception might look like.  We decided the best course of action was a prescription for Clomid to jumpstart my ovulation.  Once again, Jeremy and I looked at the calendar to determine the best possible timing.

This time, after two months of trying and at least one super-emotional argument (Thanks, Clomid!), we received the wonderful news that we were pregnant with the baby that would become our Pearl!

Throughout my journey to conception, both pregnancies, and in the almost 5 years since I became pregnant with Pearl, I have discovered that many women suffer with difficulties conceiving.  I am also aware that my story probably sounds simple and easy to many who struggle to conceive.  My point in sharing our story is not to gain attention to what I endured and overcame, but to draw attention to how I overcame PCOS.

After my pregnancy with Pearl was well-established, I began to think about future pregnancies that Jeremy and I hoped for.  I thought of how we would probably encounter these difficulties again.  And then I stopped.

 I wondered why I expected this illness to persist.  I wondered why I expected defeat in my life.  I wondered why my thoughts were aligned with disease, destruction, and difficulty.

Then I started thinking again.  I thought about Jesus and what he came to do on this earth and on the cross.  I thought about how he was whipped horribly before crucifixion and that the Bible says we are healed by his stripes (Isaiah 53:5, 1 Peter 2:24).

I decided to give it a chance.  I decided to trust that my Heavenly Father loves me and answers prayers.  I asked God to take away the PCOS that was in my body.  I didn’t claim it for my own; I didn’t say that it was mine.  I recognized it as something foreign that needed to be gone.  I believed that God could heal me and wanted to heal me.  Then, I thanked him for the healing.  I hadn’t seen it yet, but I thanked him anyway because I knew he was more than able.

Pearl was born, and I nursed her for over a year.  About nine months after her birth, I happily welcomed the return of my period!  I haven’t had a single problem or oddity with my cycle since that day!

Strangely, although thankful, I didn’t jump up and down and shout from the rooftops that I had experienced a miracle.  I asked God for healing and expected it to come.  When the manifestation of the healing came, my response was similar to what I would have for an expected visitor: happy but not shocked.  It wasn’t until I was recently relaying my story to a gal at our church that I realized how amazing these events were.  She was also diagnosed with PCOS and expressed that she was greatly encouraged and challenged by my story and the faithfulness of God within it.  Her response opened my eyes to the miraculous nature of what occurred in my own life!

My prayer is that you might also be encouraged and challenged.  Do you have something in your life, whether health or otherwise, that is not right?  Is there something in your life or body that is not everything that God intended it to be?  Our loving Heavenly Father is all-powerful (Genesis 17:1) and the God that heals us (Exodus 15:26, Isaiah 53:5, 1 Peter 2:24).  He wants you to be well.  Our God is no respecter of persons (Acts 10:34).  His healing is for you, too!