I was looking through the newspaper Sunday evening when I
came upon the classifieds. I allowed
that section to linger in my hands, and the Holy Spirit said, “Don’t look in
there. There’s nothing for you.” I immediately thought, “What?!? Don’t look in
there? I often look in the classifieds
out of curiosity, and there’s no harm.
And if there’s nothing for me in there, then why can’t I look?” Knowing that I was not being obedient, I put
the paper down and opened it up. Almost
immediately, I found a post for an Assistant Professor of Special Education at
a local university. They required an
earned masters degree, 3+ years experience in P-12 Special Education, an
emphasis in elementary/secondary, and evidence of leadership. Check, check, check, check. The position was part-time and for the
2014-2015 school year. Perfect! The only problem was that God gave me a
specific direction to pursue for next school year, and this wasn’t it.
Thus began a tormented hour.
I wrestled with the idea of working at the university level. It’s something I’ve wanted to do since I went
back to school to earn my teaching certificate.
I LOVE helping other teachers reach their students better! And what influence I could have! I would be shaping new teachers. How many hundreds of students could I help by
educating pre-service teachers? “Wouldn’t
that be a great use of my gifts and interests, Lord?” I tried every way to justify applying for
that position. It seemed like a perfect
fit, but I didn’t feel peace. “How about
I apply, God, and if it’s not your will, you just shut the door, and I don’t
get it?” This seemed like a good
compromise to me. “Why are you asking
me, when you already know this isn’t for you?”, He answered. “How can this not be for me?” I asked. “It just isn’t”, He answered.
I brought the matter to Jeremy. He has a very calm and even disposition that
settles me when I’m a wreck. I told him
about the job and all the reasons why I think it’s right for me. Then, I told him I didn’t plan to apply
because it didn’t line up with the assignment God already gave us. He didn’t delay in answering. He agreed completely. This was all the confirmation I needed. If Jeremy is anything, he’s logical and
almost always right (which drives me crazy!).
For him to agree that we should pass up on a logical opportunity in
order to pursue the seemingly illogical direction God’s given us, well, that’s
all I need to be certain I’m on the right path.
And then peace returned.
Later that evening, I reflected on the silliness of the
whole thing. I knew what my direction
was before picking up the classifieds. I
knew that I wasn’t supposed to look in the classifieds because there wasn’t
anything for me. I argued. I disobeyed.
I was tormented and anxious for about an hour while I worked through if
I was going to proceed in obedience or not.
But still, I wondered, “How could such a good job not be for me?” Then it hit me. This was just like in the garden! Adam and Eve were given everything they could
ever need or desire. All of creation was
theirs, except for one tree. They knew
their direction and purpose in life.
Still, they drifted toward that one tree; which God included in the
creation that He called “good” (Genesis 1:31).
It wasn’t so much that this tree was bad, but it was bad for Adam and
Eve. Likewise, it’s not that this job is
bad, but it’s bad for me, right now, because it doesn’t align with the
assignment God has given me. The right
thing at the wrong time becomes the wrong thing!
I continued to ponder.
Adam and Eve had everything they could ever need. God had just created everything with a few
words. If they needed more of anything,
He would have done it again. Why didn’t
they believe God and not eat that fruit?
Why didn’t I believe what the Holy Spirit said? Why didn’t I trust the plan for next school
year that God had already given me?
Trust. Could it be
that trust, or a lack of it, is at the root of all sin? I didn’t trust God, and I wasted an hour in
anxiety. Adam and Eve didn’t trust Him,
and their actions introduced death and decay to this world. Do all of our sins begin with a lack of trust
in our Heavenly Father?
In Jeremiah 29:11, the LORD tells us that He knows the plans
that He has for us. He goes on to describe
them as plans to prosper and protect, plans for good and not for evil. Jesus tells us that “the very hairs of [our]
head[s] are all numbered” (Luke 12:7, Matthew 10:30). Wouldn’t a God who tells us that He has good
plans for us, and who cares enough to keep track of the number of hairs on our
heads, give us good direction? Wouldn’t
this be the kind of God that we would want to trust? Could it be that remembering this, accepting
it, believing it, and letting it affect our thoughts and actions leads to
a decrease of sin in our lives?
In Galatians 5:22-23, Paul writes that the fruit of the
Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
gentleness, and self-control. In John
15:5, Jesus says, “I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will
produce much fruit. For apart from me
you can do nothing.” The fruit of the
Spirit that Paul refers to grows in our lives when we remember that we are a
branch connected to Jesus, the vine. It
is through Him that we grow and produce fruit.
Without the vine, there is no way we are doing anything! Only by focusing on Jesus, and His love for
us, do we become fruitful. Remembering
His great acts of love for us develops our trust in Him. He then enables us to live in obedience and
produce fruit.
The more we focus on the love the Holy Father, Son, and
Spirit have for us, the more we walk in trust. The more we trust our Heavenly Father, the
easier it is to walk in obedience. As we
obey more, the fruitfulness of our lives increases and the ability of sin to
have power over us steadily decreases.
“Heavenly Father, help us keep our eyes fixed on Jesus. We want the fruit He brings to our lives to
increase and sin to decrease. Help us to
trust you! In Jesus’ name, amen.”
