Love Stories

Jeremy and I have had the pleasure of forming wonderful friendships with a handful of couples at our church over the last 9 months.  At a summer BBQ, our conversation with these new friends settled on how spouses met.  After listening to sweet and funny stories of new attraction, Jeremy and I were asked how we met.  Our story seems rather simple and very appropriate for a Christian gathering: we attended the same Bible study.  The most scandalous element is that I thought he was pretty hot, and he thought I was pretty.  We didn’t “hook up”, as they say, until almost 9 months after that first meeting. 

What is a lesser known, though far richer, story is how we broke up. 

To put these events in context, I must back up in the story a bit.  I transferred to Pacific Lutheran University in 2001 lonely, depressed, and feeling like everything I had confidence in was shattered.  My life was not turning out how I had expected in high school, and I was dealing with a myriad of personal issues.  I was attempting a fresh start with my move to Washington without knowing how to let go of all the pain I carried with me.  For two years I wrestled with my past unsuccessfully.  When Jeremy proposed, I thought our engagement would somehow, magically, fix all of my problems.

That’s not what happened. 

Shortly after he proposed, I returned to California to visit my family.  Realizing being engaged did nothing to take away the pain and loss I was feeling, I gave up hoping that I would ever have joy and peace again.  I melted down in a big way!  I hooked up with people I had no business spending time with.  I tried to drink the pain away.  After a couple of weeks of spiraling downward, I stopped wearing my engagement ring and avoided calling Jeremy.  I was ashamed of my behavior.  I didn’t know how I could ever have joy or life again.  Jeremy deserved way better.  About two months after I accepted his proposal, I called the whole thing off.  The wedding.  Our relationship.  Everything.

I looked ahead to a life without purpose, meaning, joy, fulfillment, or hope.

Jeremy looked to something different.  He gathered our friends and family around him, and they prayed.  For a few days, they prayed.  Jeremy also called repeatedly and sent flowers.  I mostly ignored him and wondered why he insisted on being bound to such a mess.  After a couple of days of phone calls and the arrival of a beautiful bouquet, I decided that he, at least, deserved a returned call.  I stayed at home one evening, determined to make him understand that he deserved far better than me, and dialed his number.

Strangely, he didn’t want to hear anything I had to say.  He told me that I needed to stop and listen.  He spoke to me of love - not his love for me, but God’s.  He told me how important I was to God and that God had amazing plans for my life - plans that brought life and not destruction, death, and hopelessness.  I don’t know how long he reminded me of God’s intense and specific love for me, but something amazing happened while he spoke.  Cliché as it sounds, the events of my life flashed before my eyes.  I saw my life, and the people who were in it, in a new light.  I saw so many ways that God had showed me love and that there was a purpose for my existence.  Hope was sparked, and I knew that there was a better way to live.

I think our story is quite romantic.  I gave Jeremy every reason to walk away from me, and he would have been justified.  What he did showed me more love than I had ever experienced in life.  He showed grace, patience, and mercy, and he saved my life.  I smile every time I think of his selfless act.

Still, there is a far greater story interwoven throughout the one I’ve just told.  The only reason Jeremy’s words were effective is that they were grounded in what Jesus did for us.  We, as humanity, were a mess.  We refused the wonderful plans our Heavenly Father had for us.  We turned our backs on Him and decided we knew better about this world and our lives.  We rejected Jesus when He came to us.  Yet, He willingly gave His life on the cross to save us from our sins and bring us lives of health, wisdom, and blessing.  Think His sacrifice somehow doesn’t apply to your sins because His death and resurrection happened so many years ago?  It does!  The Bible says Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever!  (Hebrews 13:8) If Jesus arrived on this earth for the first time today, He would surrender his life as the sacrifice to cover your sins (John 3:16). 

Jesus knew that you would turn away from God’s wonderful plan for your life.  He knew that you wouldn’t want anything to do with Him.  He still loved you so much that He was willing to suffer and die so that you could be free and have life (John 10:10).  Know that He loves you.  Rest in His love for you and allow the Holy Spirit to guide you in walking out the plans He has for you.  You are loved!

Our God Heals!!!

When we decided to have a baby in 2008, Jeremy and I thought it would be a fairly quick and easy process.  We looked at the calendar, counted out nine months to accommodate the school year, and then decided when I would stop taking birth control pills.  The plan worked wonderfully until I stopped taking the pills.

The summer we hoped to conceive came and went without so much as a period.  The same remained true throughout the fall and winter.  After almost nine months of waiting to ovulate, I brought the matter up to my primary care physician.  She referred me to an OB/GYN in the area, and we began a small array of tests.  Almost two months after I first visited my doctor, a diagnosis was revealed: Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS).  I didn’t fit the profile, my OB/GYN told me, but the blood test results were clear.  We discussed treatment options and what the journey to conception might look like.  We decided the best course of action was a prescription for Clomid to jumpstart my ovulation.  Once again, Jeremy and I looked at the calendar to determine the best possible timing.

This time, after two months of trying and at least one super-emotional argument (Thanks, Clomid!), we received the wonderful news that we were pregnant with the baby that would become our Pearl!

Throughout my journey to conception, both pregnancies, and in the almost 5 years since I became pregnant with Pearl, I have discovered that many women suffer with difficulties conceiving.  I am also aware that my story probably sounds simple and easy to many who struggle to conceive.  My point in sharing our story is not to gain attention to what I endured and overcame, but to draw attention to how I overcame PCOS.

After my pregnancy with Pearl was well-established, I began to think about future pregnancies that Jeremy and I hoped for.  I thought of how we would probably encounter these difficulties again.  And then I stopped.

 I wondered why I expected this illness to persist.  I wondered why I expected defeat in my life.  I wondered why my thoughts were aligned with disease, destruction, and difficulty.

Then I started thinking again.  I thought about Jesus and what he came to do on this earth and on the cross.  I thought about how he was whipped horribly before crucifixion and that the Bible says we are healed by his stripes (Isaiah 53:5, 1 Peter 2:24).

I decided to give it a chance.  I decided to trust that my Heavenly Father loves me and answers prayers.  I asked God to take away the PCOS that was in my body.  I didn’t claim it for my own; I didn’t say that it was mine.  I recognized it as something foreign that needed to be gone.  I believed that God could heal me and wanted to heal me.  Then, I thanked him for the healing.  I hadn’t seen it yet, but I thanked him anyway because I knew he was more than able.

Pearl was born, and I nursed her for over a year.  About nine months after her birth, I happily welcomed the return of my period!  I haven’t had a single problem or oddity with my cycle since that day!

Strangely, although thankful, I didn’t jump up and down and shout from the rooftops that I had experienced a miracle.  I asked God for healing and expected it to come.  When the manifestation of the healing came, my response was similar to what I would have for an expected visitor: happy but not shocked.  It wasn’t until I was recently relaying my story to a gal at our church that I realized how amazing these events were.  She was also diagnosed with PCOS and expressed that she was greatly encouraged and challenged by my story and the faithfulness of God within it.  Her response opened my eyes to the miraculous nature of what occurred in my own life!

My prayer is that you might also be encouraged and challenged.  Do you have something in your life, whether health or otherwise, that is not right?  Is there something in your life or body that is not everything that God intended it to be?  Our loving Heavenly Father is all-powerful (Genesis 17:1) and the God that heals us (Exodus 15:26, Isaiah 53:5, 1 Peter 2:24).  He wants you to be well.  Our God is no respecter of persons (Acts 10:34).  His healing is for you, too!

Waiting at the Feet of Jesus

Psalm 62: 1-2 says “I wait quietly before God, for my victory comes from Him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken.”

Wait quietly.  What does that look like?  What does that mean?  Quietly, perhaps, is the easier word to define.  To do something quietly is to do it with little volume, maybe even none.  But waiting?  Waiting, I believe, is the more difficult term to comprehend.  Waiting implies stillness, a lack of motion and, possibly, action.  How could it be that this is a prerequisite to victory and salvation in times of trouble?  

In Lamentations 3:26, the author tells us “it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the LORD”.  This idea is repeated in Luke’s gospel.  While Mary sits at the feet of Jesus, Martha complains that her sister is ignoring all the work of hosting Jesus and his disciples.  On the surface, this seems like a valid complaint.  Culturally, the women were expected to be taking care of the preparations for such a visit.  Mary and Martha’s contemporaries probably would have agreed that Mary should have been helping Martha.  Jesus, however, disagrees.  He lovingly answers Martha’s complaint with truth that benefits us all.  “There is only one thing worth being concerned about.  Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her” (Luke 10:42). 

  

One thing.  Only one thing.  Jesus says nothing about waiting in his response to Martha, but we see it in Mary’s posture and what she chose to occupy herself with.  Despite all of the tasks that she could have found to do, she realized that the only important one was to sit at the feet of Jesus and wait to receive from Him.  Jesus reiterates this over and over in the gospels.  He calls us to wait and receive.  Peter struggled with the idea of waiting, too.  He initially refused to let Jesus wash his feet before the Passover (John 13).  Only when Jesus told Peter that he could not belong to Him unless He washed Peter’s feet did Peter acquiesce.  At the time, Peter did not understand that Jesus came to serve him, not to be served.  

I think we often share Peter’s struggle.  Jesus came to serve us, and He exists eternally to serve us.  Yes, He is God and deserves more praise and honor than we could ever imagine.  He is also madly in love with us and came to this earth to serve us.  He conquered sin and death so that we might receive blessings and favor during this life and everlasting salvation when we walk this earth no more.  He came for us to wait at His feet and receive from Him.  

Fixing our eyes on Him is the only thing that matters.  When we do this, we find peace.  When we do this, He is able to work everything out for our good (Romans 8:28).

Singled Out In a Sermon

Saturday night I experienced one of those sermon’s where the Holy Spirit seems to suddenly focus a laser beam on my head.  Pastor Roger was preaching on overcoming inadequacy, and I was agreeing while not feeling particularly connected to the message, when I suddenly found myself without breath and completely singled out in a room filled with a thousand people.  It’s not that Pastor Roger did anything to single me out, but it was God speaking directly to me through the Word he gave my pastor.  

The specific words he spoke were “anonymity” and “flying under the radar”. 

I was raised to believe that the promises of Jesus and the presence of the Kingdom of God are for today and every day.  I believed, as a child, that God cared about the details of my life and was willing to provide guidance and direction through the Holy Spirit.  I believed that God was active and involved, even in the smallest of ways.  As a result of some life-shuddering events in my teens, I faltered.  I thought I must be wrong.  Not about Jesus and the eternal salvation that He offers; but about His peaceful presence and concern related to every area of my life.  I, somehow, accepted the lie that Jesus did not come to save specifically me.  I only had salvation because Jesus came to save the world, and I was part of the world, I thought.  This belief, salvation by default, led to acceptance of all sorts of other lies about my lack of value and worthlessness.  As a result, I’ve spent much of the last 12 years believing that I am saved, but sitting on the sidelines watching others have amazing, joyful, peaceful, active relationships with God.

I don’t mean to say that I’ve been stagnant in my relationship with the Lord.  His Holy Spirit has been calling me, beckoning me, to come into a deeper relationship with Him all those years.  Still, I struggled with believing that God actually loves me by His choice and not by default because I am a part of this world.  This process sped up dramatically in November of 2012 when the Holy Spirit called me into a deeper understanding of Christ’s love for me.  Tired of feeling not quite entirely fulfilled, I decided to jump all in.  Scared that I would be completely wrong about my new suspicion that God was in love with me, I determined myself to receive whatever He had to give me.  2013 ended up being an amazing year of experiencing God’s love in big and small ways!  I have peace, fulfillment, joy, and a depth of relationship with Him that I have not experienced since I was a child. 

Near the end of 2013, the Holy Spirit breathed the phrase “Taking new territory in 2014” into my spirit for me and my family.  We’ve already taken risks we wouldn’t have a year ago.  We’ve trusted God, and seen Him deliver, in new ways.  We’ve also said “yes!” to the Holy Spirit’s leading when before we would have ignored or rebelled.  We’ve seen God be faithful and do amazing things!  We’re choosing in this new year to say “yes!”  We’re choosing to avoid anonymity and the false sense of security that it brings.  We’re choosing to take risks and claim new territory for God’s glory and His kingdom in 2014! 

To what is God calling you?

Something Old...Something New

Something Old

Five years ago, newly wed Jeremy and I went camping with another newly married couple and four single friends. During the course of the weekend I mentioned that my mom and I were planning to visit the Fremont area of Seattle in the near future. Scott, living near the area at the time, strongly recommended The Essential Baking Company in nearby Wallingford. I eagerly heeded his advice that Labor Day and have every Labor Day since.

This year my mom and I realized in late August that free September weekends were nonexistent. After only a brief conversation on a pleasant Saturday morning, we embarked on our annual late summer journey. Previous years we've arrived in time for breakfast and espresso. This year, given our spontaneity, we arrived just in time for the noon rush. Breaking from my usual habit of ordering yummy breakfast pastries and a mocha, I ordered their version of a cuban sandwich. I believe it was called "El Cubano". The sandwich came toasted to the perfect temperature; warm but not too hot. The bread was crispy and soft. A tangy but not overpowering mustard sauce graced the ham and dill pickle. The portion seemed small at first glance, but was adequate by the time I finished. Anyone living in the greater Seattle-Tacoma area who has not stopped by the Essential Baking Company should consider visiting. In addition to yummy pastries and sandwiches, the restaurant serves espresso beverages, delectable desserts, salads, soups, and quiche. The interior is cozy and filled with people every time I visit.

Something New

Earlier that week I had the opportunity to lunch with coworkers at a newer deli in Midland. According to the coworker leading us to this spot, the Midtown Deli & Espresso just outside Tacoma opened a couple of years ago. Always excited to learn of new restaurants in the area, I was eager to sample their offerings. When we entered there were few other customers. The menu was posted on a large board near the door and on a wall behind the cashier. It includes breakfast items, salads, sandwiches, espresso drinks, and desserts. Quickly I noticed their homemade blackberry cobbler. Being in a salad mood, I ordered a Cobb salad without blue cheese and an iced tea. The food for our entire party of six arrived in a decent amount of time, however I did have to remind the waitress that I ordered an iced tea. When the food was almost prepared, the waitress brought the requisite dressings. I was disappointed to find that the dressings were the individually packaged type sold in many grocery store delis. My salad arrived much larger than I expected. The woman sitting across from me also ordered a Cobb Salad. Curiously, her salad included chicken and avocado. The avocado and chicken were absent from my salad, although I was fortunate enough to enjoy bacon with my salad. When I pointed out the discrepancy to the waitress she informed me that Cobb Salads do not come with chicken or avocado. My coworkers voiced their concern at the lack of ingredients on my salad and the waitress checked the menu. She then promptly returned with a plate of avocado and a plate of chicken. The ingredients tasted fresh and the salad was delicious after I received all of the ingredients and assembled it properly at the table. I felt full after eating only half of the salad and was able to take the remaining portion home for dinner. The interior seating was a mix of older pink arm chairs at small tables and harder plastic chairs at larger tables. A sports game played on a TV mounted in the corner near the ceiling. I feel the ambiance would benefit from a decision to pursue one motif. Sadly, I was unable to order the Blackberry Cobbler. I think the deli has potential and I intend to visit again, if only to taste the cobbler.

Beginning

For years I've felt compelled to write. Having never had any, or very little, formal training in the area, I thought of a myriad of reasons why not too. Still, the desire and ideas swelled inside of me until I finally decided that I would attempt a novel. That decision turned out to be the easiest part of the process. Brainstorming, outlining, and actually writing, all while following the call of a special education teacher and attempting to keep my house clean, are grueling. Turns out this writing business is a marathon - one that I'm committed to. In response to the long, uphill path I've chosen to follow, I began desiring an outlet to fulfill my desire for short-term gratification. Ideas come and go, usually during inconvenient moments, and few of them apply to the current phase of my novel. Nothing immediately came to mind.

More recently my mom and I were eating at a new bagel and crepe place in Puyallup called Bagel Boyz Bistro. The story of the four recent high school graduates who worked to open the restaurant, as well as the concept, piqued my curiosity. As we sampled their crepes and discussed what worked and what could be improved, I wondered at the lack of a food critic in the local newspaper.

The following week saw record heat. For the first time since leaving California I experienced temperatures above 100. Jeremy and I quickly responded favorably to his parent's invitation to stay the night in their air-conditioned abode. Standing in the bathroom after my morning shower (I always do my best thinking in the shower), again considering the lack of food reviews in the local paper, as well as how to best keep in touch with extended family, it suddenly struck me. A blog! I could write about my culinary experiences as well as any updates that might interest those I love.

So here we are. After considering the idea of a blog for weeks, and being a bit scared of it, if I may confess, I've taken my mouse in hand and committed. As the title suggests, the purpose will be to channel my passion for eating into reviews, to share interesting news with family and friends, to wrestle with the fear of expressing my ideas in such a permanent medium, and perhaps even to entertain, all while fulfilling my desire for short-term gratification! Hopefully you'll read along. Comment if you like. And most of all, enjoy!